With the funding support from the Peter Mack and Jamie Mayerfeld Fund, I was able to go back to the Philippines for my pre-dissertation research on the movement of mothers against the Philippine drug war. I conducted in-depth interviews and focus group discussions with members of three groups—Silingan Coffee, Silingan Candle-Making, and Ronda ng Kababaihan (Women’s Patrol)—all catering to women who been affected and have mobilized against the violence under the Duterte administration’s drug war.
One of the groups that I visited was Ronda ng Kababaihan located in Sitio Pagkakaisa, Pateros City. I have known the “Ronda Girls” since 2019 when I first started joining their patrols and documenting their grassroots initiative against drug violence. Writing about their story of how a group of mothers decided to voluntarily enforce curfews to clear the streets of potential targets of motorcycle-riding vigilantes during the peak of the drug killings has driven my passion for research and my shift of academic focus to feminist scholarship. More importantly, I attribute the fact that I was able to pursue doctorate studies in the US to these mothers, whose stories contributed to the centering of motherhood and resistance at the heart of my research.
The opportunities I received from writing about the plight and resistance of these mothers, however, has long created an internalized dilemma within myself as a student and researcher. How can we come to terms to the reality that academic work mostly benefits us as researchers than the marginalized communities we are writing for? This dilemma comes with the burden of an academic guilt, something that I felt have become heavier upon moving to the States and continuing to receive messages from the Ronda mothers, seeking financial help for various school- and health-related needs of their family. Furthermore, as I revisited their community during my recent fieldwork, the mothers told me that it has been months since they halted their patrols due to the lack of allowance, lack of institutional support, and patron-clientelist practices of local politicians. While writing about their grassroots initiative contributes to attracting attention and awareness to their group, their primary needs continue to be material which requires extensive efforts beyond research, mobilization of additional bodies, and cooperation with more institutions.
As academia persists in being captured by neoliberal demands, I am aware that the guilt must rightfully be a burden that I should carry as I write about the plight of these women. Moreover, I continue to ask: how can we decolonize research and the academia? How can we avoid falling into the pitfalls of extractivist research? How can we support the communities we are writing for beyond research? These are questions will remain in my mind as I proceed to writing my dissertation.